Oct 15 2005
Listerine: Prison rape in your mouth.
Showing posts with label Messin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Messin. Show all posts
12.05.2008
Maybe a Bit More Sleep Is In Order
Oct 15 2005
I caught myself in the process of putting deodorant on my toothbrush.
I'm amused by the porn subject lines in my inbox (sexy baby and bad erection).
I'm beginning to think I should have gotten up even earlier.
I'm almost enjoying the flavor combination of orange Listerine and my beet flavored organic toothpaste (This is a total lie. Combined, they taste much like the pall of the grave...with a citrusy tang.).
I'm wondering what I should go as for Halloween this year. I'm tired of being a witch, a devil, or wearing black vinyl. Well, I still like wearing black vinyl, but I'm tired of it being my standard Halloween costume, capice?
Suggestions are welcome, because if I'm trying to brush my teeth with Secret Invisible Solid, I might not be in the best mental position to make a decision this important.
Lovies!
I caught myself in the process of putting deodorant on my toothbrush.
I'm amused by the porn subject lines in my inbox (sexy baby and bad erection).
I'm beginning to think I should have gotten up even earlier.
I'm almost enjoying the flavor combination of orange Listerine and my beet flavored organic toothpaste (This is a total lie. Combined, they taste much like the pall of the grave...with a citrusy tang.).
I'm wondering what I should go as for Halloween this year. I'm tired of being a witch, a devil, or wearing black vinyl. Well, I still like wearing black vinyl, but I'm tired of it being my standard Halloween costume, capice?
Suggestions are welcome, because if I'm trying to brush my teeth with Secret Invisible Solid, I might not be in the best mental position to make a decision this important.
Lovies!
Laundry and Other Small Miracles
Nov 2005
I got up and began to fold laundry. To my amazement, there were an even number of socks in the basket and....wait for it....THEY ALL MATCHED!
I know, I can feel your fits of envy. I had no missing sock, or, worse in my opinion, none of the changeling socks, which at one point may have looked like every other sock in your laundry, but now is the wrong color, shape and/or texture, as though strangers have been coming into your house while you're working and doing their laundry. You don't know this sock, dammit. Where did it come from? Usurper sock.
I got up and began to fold laundry. To my amazement, there were an even number of socks in the basket and....wait for it....THEY ALL MATCHED!
I know, I can feel your fits of envy. I had no missing sock, or, worse in my opinion, none of the changeling socks, which at one point may have looked like every other sock in your laundry, but now is the wrong color, shape and/or texture, as though strangers have been coming into your house while you're working and doing their laundry. You don't know this sock, dammit. Where did it come from? Usurper sock.
Color of the Day
Jan 04, 2006
The color of the day is brown. Yes. I said brown. This is the day when you wear shirts and sweaters and pants in a futile attempt to impersonate the UPS dudes.
You only eat brown stuff. Chocolate has no calories today. Drink all the root beer and cola you want...no burping. Brown is a magical color today, and it will make you more attractive to the opposite sex, smarter, faster, funnier, and will slip you the winning lottery numbers when the jackpot is really high.
I am personally eating a combination of maple and BROWN sugar oatmeal, chocolate covered raisins, and Cocoa Krispies....without milk. In this instance I would be able to use milk, because it would TURN brown, but I'm really too lazy to walk to the gas station at the other end of the block to get some. So it's Krispies al dente for me.
Later tonight I'll be burning...I mean cooking dinner...which will definitely involve (canned) potatoes and some kind of meat. The beauty of this day is that things that TASTE brown can also be involved...and since whatever I cook tends to taste like corrugated cardboard, I'm golden! ( I mean, golden brown.)
Toast...all day you can eat acres of toast....with brown sugar. If you use anything else on your toast, the whole day is rendered invalid, and you will score double calories for any food you looked at.
Now I feel like I have turned this into one of those irritating chain letters...always with some dumb catch. And therefore, I feel better!
Have a brownie!
The color of the day is brown. Yes. I said brown. This is the day when you wear shirts and sweaters and pants in a futile attempt to impersonate the UPS dudes.
You only eat brown stuff. Chocolate has no calories today. Drink all the root beer and cola you want...no burping. Brown is a magical color today, and it will make you more attractive to the opposite sex, smarter, faster, funnier, and will slip you the winning lottery numbers when the jackpot is really high.
I am personally eating a combination of maple and BROWN sugar oatmeal, chocolate covered raisins, and Cocoa Krispies....without milk. In this instance I would be able to use milk, because it would TURN brown, but I'm really too lazy to walk to the gas station at the other end of the block to get some. So it's Krispies al dente for me.
Later tonight I'll be burning...I mean cooking dinner...which will definitely involve (canned) potatoes and some kind of meat. The beauty of this day is that things that TASTE brown can also be involved...and since whatever I cook tends to taste like corrugated cardboard, I'm golden! ( I mean, golden brown.)
Toast...all day you can eat acres of toast....with brown sugar. If you use anything else on your toast, the whole day is rendered invalid, and you will score double calories for any food you looked at.
Now I feel like I have turned this into one of those irritating chain letters...always with some dumb catch. And therefore, I feel better!
Have a brownie!
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