Dear Dish Network

Thank you, Dish Network, for creating the DPTC Channel. What's this, you may ask? Why, it's the DOUBLE PITS TO CHESTY CHANNEL. Since I didn't know what DPTC meant, I had to do a bit of investigation, and learned a couple things.

It's nice to see that you are truly educating people, Dish Network and Unknown Body Spray Company. Thank you for teaching men how to bathe in cheap cologne. Did you know that it's summer? Did you know that heat (summer) makes fellas sweat? Did you know that women have much more sensitive sniffers than guys do? I have indescribably vivid memories of being on the job with these fellas who used that particular technique, to my olifactory terror.

But do you know what the worst part about the DPTC channel? I watched it for more than an hour, in the hopes that they were going to play more than the one three-minute commercial. Over and over again, I hoped. Possibly after half an hour...nope. An hour? Nope. That's about the part where I lost heart and turned the channel.

But knowing me, I'll watch it tomorrow.

Cult(ure) of Personality

Spring break makes me happy. I love the first couple days of basking on the couch like a lizard on a rock, sunning myself with the glow of the computer and/or the television. There's usually lots of sleep, but seldom in my bed. I feel duty bound to stay up wayyyy past my bedtime and conk out on the couch, only to be woken up by slobbery dog smooching in the morning, and then the feeling of pressure that comes from an eighty-five pound Old English Sheepdog alighting upon my person like Blitzen on a rooftop. I doubt if I will learn my lesson before she cracks one of my ribs.

I'll be painting the crown molding in the living room, going to the dentist in Milwaukee twice (nothing major just yet, it's still mostly preliminary stuff), and hopefully watching lots and lots of anime. I've been watching Ranma 1/2 as often as possible for the last month or so, and it will be nice to actually finish off the series. I'm also looking forward to crocheting again. I had to cut it out of my life for a little while, because there was just so much going on between school and home improvements that there just didn't seem to be enough time to focus on making blankets. That's not such a good thing for me, because I find crocheting to be a hard core stress reliever. if you can use the phrase "hard core" to describe the process of making scarves, blankets and doilies with a crooked stick. However, my schedule has a week's worth of flex and I'm itching to start. I'm trying to calm down on my yarn collection, so I won't be buying any new yarn until I finish the stuff that I have, and I won't be keeping all the blankets that I make.

The blankets might not look attractive, but I'm sure that the Humane Society in Wisconsin Rapids will be happy to take them off my hands. Wisconsin Rapids has a no kill shelter, so when I have anything that I think they might want or need, they get all the goodies. I may not have the lifestyle to have a pet, but it's nice to be able to help in some small way.

Anyhoo, I have been playing with this stuff enough, and it's time to watch Witchblade...except by watch I mean "doze on the couch with Witchblade playing on the dvr".

If this were a boy I would totally hump it.

May 2007

G4.
This channel brings me more joy than a three hour sexual encounter featuring Ben Gay, brass knuckles, Hussy Red lipstick, a digital camera and five stunt doubles (parapalegics count as half).

I usually wrap up my late night tv watching with Xplay, after InuYasha and the repeat of Futurama....for some reason I don't get around to watching Futurama the first time around)...after that, it's XPlay, baby.

For those of you who have no idea why this makes me a geek, I will spell it out for you all right now: I do not play video games.

There is something inherantly wrong with the thought of spending an hour a day, five days a week watching programming about video games, when I have played a video game (aside from basic computer solitaire, which I play a game of almost every time I fire up the computer, waiting for the dial up to hook up) quite literally fewer than five times within the last....well, since 1996, when I spent two weeks mastering Donkey Kong Country. The first one. With Nintendo 64.

On Wednesday, G4 will be putting out a new show, called Ninja Warrior. You can bet your ass that I will be watching it.

On a related note: if I ever watch American Idol again, CANDACE, I think I will be washing out my eyes with boric acid. Sick or no sick, I will be forced to flee your place, screaming and throwing dirty snowbank drifts at my eyes, to wash out the pain, the bitter pain.

In summation: G4. X Play, I don't play vidoe games, Ninja Warrior, Wednesday, no more Idol ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever again.

Lovies!