I didn't know that boredom was a primal emotion

Jan 2007

Tonight my friend Dave and I tried to go to the movie Primeval.

Big mistake.

"Why Jess, what happened?" you might ask in your head, not really because you are interested, but because I'm putting out a bland, obviously opening statement and you are afraid that if you don't do the polite thing and ask, I will try to bring this subject up another ten or twelve times, until you finally succumb to my will. Why not save yourself the anguish and just ask me right away?

Your assumption is, of course, quite astute. Thanks for shaving some awkward vocal finnegalling off this blog. I will tell you what I thought of this movie in one word:

Crap.

In two words:

Total crap.

In a couple of poorly structured sentences:

This movie was so poor that we asked the ushers if we could go watch other movies, movies which had started more than a half hour ago. When we were told that the other movies had started more than a half hour earlier, I said, "Well, at least they aren't Primeval."

No joke.

This is the risk that people run when they see a scary looking poster, but no trailers of the movie. Blindly looking for a scary movie, but being shafted by a close-mouthed studio, which must have known that no one in their right mind would go to a movie about an alligator on the Rwandan border, much less think that it's actually scary.

I can appreciate the fact that this movie is based on a true story, but I have to say that I haven't been scared by a damn alligator movie since I was seven or eight and they had that movie with the alligator that was flushed down the toilet and ended up tearing up New York (or whatever big town it was...I was sevenish, what do you want from me?).

Anyhoo, after seeing 20 minutes of Primeval, we couldn't stomach sitting through any other movie either, so we left and walked a few blocks to Book World.

Dave picked up "The Guiness Book of World Records 2006", while I picked up "100 Marvels of the Modern World", of which I have seen a grand total of one. I had best get my butt in gear.